I need a change of some kind in my life. It's hit me that my life has been rather stagnant for over 6 years now. Everyone around me has moved on to new stages in their lives...new jobs, marriage, kids, etc. But not me. Same job, same town, no marriage, no kids. My problem is that I don't know what kind of change is best for me. Do I move to a new town? I don't feel drawn anywhere, and I do love my family and the friends I have here even though I'm the last of the singles. Do I change careers? (Uh well-considering the job market right now, that's probably not the best idea. This kind of market is what got me into teaching in the first place!) Do I order a husband and baby off the internet? Does Amazon carry an assortment of ethnicities and qualities to choose from, or is it pretty much a "you're shopping for a husband and baby on the internet - take what you can get" kind of thing? I've always thought family pics would look cool if I was with someone completely opposite me: dark skin, hair, etc...but I digress. Maybe I just simply need a new haircut. I don't know. Basically, I don't know where/when/what I'm supposed to do to bring about this mysterious change I feel I need.
(Those were my worries in a little nutshell - probably a walnut - and my earlier draft was going to be much more oh-woe-is-me crap. Trust me - be thankful I spared you and gave you the synopsis.
Anyways, as tired as I was when I got home, I couldn't let this beautiful weather pass me by. I threw on workout clothes and decided to go for a run along the river. The weather was absolutely beautiful; people were out enjoying picnics, fishing, playing frisbee golf, and just relaxing in the sun. I smiled at everyone I saw along the path, and they all smiled back; I stopped and chatted with the two older gentlemen who were having no luck with the fish, but were, nonetheless, enjoying the gorgeous weather. It's funny because I was once again listening to Brian Wright, but the result was vastly different this time around.
Driving home 45 minutes later with the windows rolled down, I couldn't help but wonder why my worries had taken such a strong hold on me for a good two hours this morning. It's not that the worries are gone - I still have them - but they suddenly seemed so trivial. I have an amazing life - albeit not the one I ever thought I would have pushing 30, and not the one I want for much longer - but for now, I guess it'll do. I just have to trust that when the change I need is ready for me, I'll recognize it and embrace it. Until then, I'll just revel in the stereotype of an aging school marm who spends some good, quality time with her cats watching Will & Grace reruns.
I'll leave you with this clip from Peanuts. One day maybe I'll find someone who dreams about this little red-haired girl, but for now Charlie Brown will do.